


Belle Of The Ball

by Le_purple



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Dress Up, Dresses, Earth C (Homestuck), Fluff and Humor, Funny, Kanaya Maryam/Karkat Vantas Moirallegiance, Karkat Swearing, M/M, Minor Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Not Epilogue Compliant, Roleplay, Sewing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 01:51:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21420235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Le_purple/pseuds/Le_purple
Summary: Kanaya gets commissioned to make two dresses, and Dave and Karkat happen to be the right size to help them fit.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 1
Kudos: 77





	Belle Of The Ball

"Hold Still Karkat."

"FUCK NO. YOUR HANDS ARE FUCKING *FREEZING*!"

"Chill out dude."

"I AM CHILLING OUT, THAT'S THE PROBLEM!"

Kanaya sighed and sat down, looking up at Karkat with annoyed eyes, her expression resembling an irritated mother.

"Karkat, I Literally Just Need To Make The Final Adjustments. You Don't Even Have To Wear The Dress Once It's Finished, It's Only Because The Clients Have Similar Measurements."

"YOUR HANDS ARE COLD AND THE DRESS IS WAY TOO POOFY!"

"Shut up man, what's wrong with a little poof? I'm handling it fucking fantastically. I'm fucking wielding the power of poof right now. I'm BRANDISHING the power of poof right now! Finna be a powerpoof boy!"

"See, Dave Doesn't Mind!"

"UGHHHHH...FINE OK!" Karkat huffed. Kanaya stood up again and continued adjusting the layers of the dress, Karkat trying not cringe at her tepid fingers.

"Is It Too Tight, Or Too Loose?"

"A LITTLE LOOSE."

"Alright, Good. The Client Is Slightly Bigger, So It Should Be About Right."

"WHY COULDN'T ROSE OR TEREZI DO THIS? THE MEASUREMENTS CAN'T BE THAT DIFFERENT TO YOUR CLIENT." Karkat complained.

"Karkat, can you listen to me for a second. Open your ear-holes and gather 'round kids for this is a once in a life time fact, only spoken of by wise sages: Rose has hips, Terezi has ass. I'm flat as a board and have the body of a rectangular twink, and even your sweet behind can't live up to The Py-rump."

"HOW ARE WE MARRIED? WHAT DARK ONE FROM THE FURTHEST RING HATES ME ENOUGH TO PAIR ME WITH YOU?"

"And That's My Wife You're Talking About, Not To Mention Your Sister."

"Rose? My sister? Say it ain't so!"

"ONCE MORE: HOW AM I MARRIED TO YOU?"

"Roofies my man, roofies."

"So, Ignoring What Dave Just Said, Can You Move Around For Me? But Not Too Much, I Still Need To Replace The Temporary Stitches."

Kanaya stepped away, letting Karkat move around. The first thing that Karkat did with his new found freedom was look around, as apart from squirming, Karkat hadn't been able to move and look at his or Dave's dress, just standing there facing the wall. His dress was definitely more elaborate than Dave's, with layer upon layer upon layer of golden silk making the dress look like it was glowing with honey, the long, open sleeves dripping with royal jelly. The gossamer fabrics shifted as Karkat moved, flowing and cascading around him and glistening in the light from the window.

"HOLY SHIT." He whispered, silently in awe of the admittedly impractical, but very glamorous dress.

"It's Good, Isn't It?" Kanaya gushed, making no effort to appear modest.

"Come on Karkat, we're gonna be late for Earl Dickington's ball." Dave joked, grabbing Karkat's hands and pulling him close, the dresses making a soft hiss as they rubbed. Dave's dress was more subdued and sleek, a flowing white dress with a slit down the thigh, revealing Dave's heart-print underwear. The neck line was very simple, just a rectangle with spaghetti straps, but was decorated with hundreds of tiny (probably fake) crystals.  
"Why you're simply gonna be the belle of the ball!" He said, greatly exaggerating his Texan accent.

"I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOG I WILL BELL YOUR BALLS SO HARD THAT YOUR ANCESTOR WILL FEEL IT."

"Hush your tone, honeydew, if Earl Dickington hears chat like that, you best believe that you'll never be able to catch his eye. It's already so difficult for us respectful country dames to compete against the gaudy city whores, it'd be so much worse if we'd lose favour with the few high society who don't talk bad about us."

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT."

"Well, As Much As I'd Love To See You Two 'country dames' Chat, There Is Sewing To Be Done, And I Feel Like It Would Be Very Difficult To Do That At 'Earl Dickington's ball'."

"Mah sincerest apologies, Lady Kanaya."

"Well What Am I To Say To A Respectful Country Dame Such As Yourself?" Kanaya joined, adopting the faux accent and unzipping the dress.

"Lady Kanaya! I am trying to keep mah purity, now how is a girl to do that with your attempts to soil me, strippin' me bare in front of mah own best friend!"

"DAVE WHAT THE FUCK."

"But Dave, How Is One To Resist Such A Delectable Maiden Such As Your Self?" 

"Lady Kanaya I will not be charmed by your wiles!" Dave burst, stepping out of the dress and dramatically backing away.

"There Will Be Another Time In Which We Shall Meet, In Which You Are More Susceptible To Me." Kanaya warned, going over to Karkat and starting to undo his dress. "And Who Is This Maiden, Of Whom I Have The Upmost Pleasure Of Meeting?"

"UH...LADY KARKAT?"

"Lady Karkat, What A Delightful Name You Have, Almost As Delightful As Yourself~" Kanaya crooned, Karkat's face going red as his eyes darted away.

"KANAYA CAN YOU JUST GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY?"

"Oh, I Had No Clue How Eager You Were. If I Had Known Sooner I Would've Ceased Teasing You."

"I wont let you steal Lady Karkat from me!" Dave burst, holding a half naked, and very confused Karkat in his arms.

"It's Too Late For Her, Dave, She Has Already Succumbed To My Charms."

"WHAT?"

"Karkat noooo! Tell me that you're not going to leave me for Lady Kanaya!"

"Mwah Ha Ha! I Have Captured Her Heart, There's Nothing You Can Do."

"Nooooooo!" Still clutching Karkat in his arms, Dave slid down to his knees, the troll looking even ore confused.

"DAVE, YOUR HEAD IS ON MY BULGE." Karkat pointed out, Dave not moving the back of his head away from his matesprites crotch.

"Hush, sweet prince, we will die together, for if our love is corrupted by Lady Kanaya, there is no reason for us to live."

"Alas, My Plan Has Been Thwarted. I Shall Now Perish, As My Lascivious Hunger Overtakes Me!" Kanaya burst dramatically, collapsing to her knees like Dave did, reaching out for Karkat.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?"


End file.
